I decided I need something to do to keep my mind off of food..I eat a lot..I EAT:

1.when i'm bored
2.when im sad
3. when im angry
4. to hurt myself
5. because it comforts me
6.because i cant stop..

So id ecided I need to do something to take me away from eating..I am more tempted to at everyday cause I am homeschooled, because i am fat..I got tired of the teasing and hurtful things and when I was hurt I ate..I feel the only way not 4 me 2 eat would be to sow up my mouth..Or staple it shut...I realize I am growing more and more each day.. i cant help it..Everytime I have money I spend it on food. I have a bag of redvine twizzlers in my room right now calling me and a big raspberry lollipop i gott for early-valentines day..I hate that whenever I decide to go on a diet it seems my family picks to eat the best foods..I lost a lot of excess weight around my mid-section over christmas..All i did was sleep and when i didn't sleep I called my boyfriend and when he wasnt around I went out with a friend to see a movie, trying not to get popcorn or to the mall trying to avoid the food court..My friends are perfect cali girls blonde, tall, thin, and big breasts that are real..My friends that are black are tall, thin, and have long hair thats actually real..and so is my other friend..I cut my hair off a while ago and cant seem to get it to grow baq(sob) but my cousin use to weigh 330lbs now she is down to 190..she got a surgery done but her weight is coming baq quickly..So she wants to speed up her metabolism and work out like that..But its so hard..I hope i can lose some..I wan tto go back to school 4 the 10th grade and not be the ugly fat girl no body wants anything to do with..Sometimes I feel like life is so damn unfair its just no even real 2 mee..It sucks...

Well I have been dealing with a little bit of depression..I know i have but i hate when people tell me that... I'm happy that my cousin, Lindsay, and her friend, Asiaq, are coming to visit me for the rest of febuary[[possibly spelled wrong]]..I hate when she brings her friends. My cousin is only 110lbs and she stands at 5'11..She is hella pretty and of course gorgeus. So i guess i dont like her for a reason..We get along really well, I just dont liek ehr mentally, maybe emotionally..Or i could just be jealous..My friends that i go to school with aren't the type of friends I want. We dont have much in common..I have 2 african friends, one indian friend and then 4 white friends..Im tired of all the kids in california who are my age.. Mostly are school is full of mexicans, puerto ricans, and every type of that culture. I think i am friends with the only white kids, except for Julia..My friends are Rebecca, Katie, Jessica, Angel, Mandy,TiNishia, and K'ya..I have a boy who I like named Darryl. He is friends with my current boyfriend, Patrick...I guess i just fell out of it with patrick, does that make me a bad person?Well i have to go[[no iw ant to go with my sister to pick up my cousin]]..Im trying to be polite , cause i've been a little bit moody in teh past couple of days..but yeah..well i'll write back later...

*SMILES*

--Lexy